I have always thought I was pretty good at judging people…it’s not the best habit and my sister constantly scolds me for it…Tells me I should be more understanding…What if something happened to them that made them that way?
She explained to me that some people get jealous and they act out and bully people they feel they are stronger than. I asked so many times ‘Why?’ do people treat others so badly? Maybe they are judging us too?
I have started at a new site this week…what I had always dreamed of…working in Adelaide’s mental health hospital!!And boyyyy was my first few days were a bit scary. Left on my own to manage a dispensary in which I had a one-day handover with the person going on leave. Different processes, different people, different patients…It was a bit much. On top of that, there was one lady whom I had spoken to over the phone before working at another site. I had judged her to be extremely rude and patronising-even over the phone~! She was demanding things be done and belittling me. I don’t know if she remembers but I do remember her, and I just so happened to be working at the same place as her now.
I sensed there was some hostility among the group of pharmacists that were working together, there was some bickering…quarrels… We are so understaffed…it is pretty terrible and makes people unhappy. I just try to make the best of it..as someone covering I can only do so much…
But, suddenly this person yesterday…whom I had barely spoken a single word to in the past three… days..Asked me how I was going …if I was settling in? I was taken back..no one else had asked me… I am used to being thrown in the deep end and trying to swim. I asked myself, maybe she just takes some time to open up…maybe there was so much change happening that she assumed I would cause her more work and trouble?
Overall, I like it. To be absolutely honest I am terrified when I walk out to the ward to go to the staff toilet. But I tell myself, it is going to be okay. If they are allowed to walk around the ward, they should be safe! I feel so bad for being scared of them…because this is what I thought I wanted to do? To help people with mental health to get better. But, why am I so scared? I think it’s because I am so used to seeing these people behind bulletproof glass and having security around me all the time, I forget these are normal people. They all seem to have a glazed look in their eyes… of sadness, of loss, of something else. What happened to them for them to send them to a mental health hospital?
So many stories…so many things…I really do hope I can make the most of my time there and learn as much as I can to learn and grow as a pharmacist and as a person.
I am thankful that I am living the dream, even though it doesn’t feel like it. Today we had two fire alarms go off, so there were constant alarm bells ringing. We also got two phone calls from Police officers who needed the deputy director to identify some dead bodies of previous patients…there are patients lying on the ground outside.
I can finally say, “I made it to where I want to be”…But then I also realise that there is more to climb…I went through one door, but this is just opening even more doors and corridors to walk through.
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