Have you ever took a step back and realised someone that you thought you loved..liked…and realised. They don’t give a shit about you?
You spend so much time, money, and effort on them. Yet, all they care about is themselves. Their problems. Their issues. It’s always about them. You thought you would be able to have a relationship with them. But all you were to them was a piece of trash. Did they care to ask about your day? No. Did they ask you how your interview went? No. Did they even bother wishing you a happy birthday on your birthday? No. Despite you telling them about these things. You realise. They don’t give a single shit about you!
You were just conveniently there when they needed someone to be with them, to listen to their shit, and to let them feel comforted. You were being used. And for so long you let them do that to you. You tried to forget them…so many times. You ignored them. Kept your distance. Then they come running back when you least expected and it starts all over again.
But that is the last time. You will not, cannot let yourself be looked down upon. You are worth so much more than that. There will be someone who loves you for who you are. As a friend said to me, it takes two people to have a relationship. Not just one person struggling to keep it together, while the other person makes no effort…just keeps receiving without giving anything. I am not sure what I even like about that person? Maybe I was lonely and looking for someone to talk to. Maybe I wanted a friend. Maybe I wanted something more. But, when I found out who this person really is and how bad they treat me…I realise I deserve more. I had to tell someone about him. I was embarrassed though, because who goes chasing after someone who gives zero fucks about you? Again and again. Why did I think I could change him?
He’s a dick and he will stay a dick. I turned 29 years old yesterday. It’s time to grow up and realise my worth. In terms of what I can do in my career…in my sports..in my relationships…I have decided I won’t settle for what is convenient and easy… Have to realise you can do more than you think, because if you stick in a bad job or relationship for the sake of convenience…think of what you are missing out on…The higher pay..the better environment and someone who loves you better.
To be honest, I had a good look at my situation when I overhead a colleague talking about their friend who is seeing a dick guy. Apparently, the guy doesn’t want anyone to know about them and they meet in secret…Apparently, he doesn’t want to commit because he has another girl on the side…yet this friend continues staying with him. She gets heartbroken every month and comes crying to her friends. It’s hard. When you think you are in love. You try to see past all the flaws and the red flags telling you to run. Maybe it is our kind hearts that try to see the good in everyone.
Girls and boys, you deserve so much more. Someone you can love, and who will love you back.
Don’t look down on yourself.